The New ObamaCar

So lemme get this straight.  You passed a law that was to have provided low-cost insurance to America’s poor who could not otherwise afford it.  In order to do that we now learn that you have redefined the word “insurance.”  Now you’re telling all Americans exactly which features are “acceptable” in any and all insurance policies and dictating that we all have those.  I thought this was about the poor.  Why are you screwing around with insurance that tens of millions of hard-working Americans have already purchased?

Now, under the new law, if an insurance policy does not cover each of us for pre-natal, geriatric, mental health, substance abuse, birth control, and a host of other services it’s “substandard.”  A policy that does not include those features – regardless of whether or not I actually need them – is now “substandard.”  My insurance company is dropping my policy and I’m being forced to pay more for insurance through the ObamaCare “exchange”… from a website that doesn’t work!  If I don’t you’re going to sic the freakin’ IRS on me?!?

Let’s change this up a bit.  Let’s use cars because I think that most working Americans have a car and can understand this analogy, and because many of the nation’s poorest Americans do not have reliable vehicles.

The Magnificant ObamaCar
The Magnificent ObamaCar

You pass a law that will give all poor Americans a new, basic, sturdy 7-passenger van.  It’s safe, gets great gas mileage, has room or a full family, groceries, and a dog.  Each has a cargo rack on top to carry even more stuff.  Each will be delivered with a full set of snow tires.  Each of these vehicles has a wheel chair lift on the left side and a special wheel chair designed to function with that lift.  All poor unemployed or underemployed Americans will get these vans.  No matter that they are 7-passenger and the family receiving the vehicle hasn’t yet had children – that part is for the future.  No matter that many of these families don’t need the wheel chair lift – you may need that in the future.  No matter that they may not need the cargo rack – that’s for those Americans that may want to go camping, or to help you move.  Even Americans living in southern Florida will get the snow tires… that’s just the way these vehicles are going to be made and delivered.  Finally, maintenance on and gas for these vehicles will be free, or at very low cost depending on the income level of the family, but you’ll have to go to certain government certified mechanics, because not all mechanics will be authorized to work on these vehicles.  When it finally wears out the government will replace it.

That’s a pretty cool deal for poor Americans, right?  I mean it may not be the most stylish vehicle to drive around in, and it may handle like a tank, and there’s that unnecessary wheel chair lift, but it’s gonna get you to and from work in comfort and safety… and if you ever get into an accident that wheel chair is already there.

The new “ObamaCar” law is passed and we all pat ourselves on the back and say “we’ve done the right thing”

Then you turn to me and say “hold on there dude!  That Jeep Grand Cherokee you’re toolin’ around town in – it’s not considered a true 7-passenger vehicle!  Where are your snow tires?  Where’s your wheel chair lift?  You’re only getting 13 MPG around town?  Unacceptable!  It’s “substandard.”  We’re gonna have to take possession of that thing and give you one of these great 7-passenger vans were giving the poor folks.”

What the hell are you lookin’ at my freakin’ sweet-ass Jeep for, you bastards?!?  I thought this was all about setting up poor folks with vans!  I was all for that!  Tell you what – you can have my Jeep when you pry my cold, dead hands off the steering wheel!

Oh.  The IRS is gonna fine me if I don’t get one of the vans?  In my income bracket the fines are $8,500 a year?  The fines may go up from there if we don’t all get the vans?

What about the dozen or so times you specifically stated in speeches “If you like your current car, you can keep your current car!  Period!”

The ObamaCar sucks.

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